The Periphery of the Mind
Where I post whatever I feel like.Monday, August 31, 2009
Fatherhood
So the wife needs a new job.
I've known this for some time. Every spring and autumn she gets overloaded with work, becomes miserable, and puts in tons of overtime. She complains about the stress of her workload, and it is stressful and consuming. And I'd tell her to quit, and she'd say she didn't want to because she thought the company she worked for had potential to grow. But eventually she decided she'd had enough, and she would like out but didn't have another job to fall back on.
And then we got pregnant.
And then her boss' improper relations with a co-worker were brought into the light. Everybody knew about it, but nobody talked about it. But now that it's out (thanks to a third party) the co-worker won't drop it and the boss thinks Maryanne needs to make up to the co-worker. And now Maryanne's internalizing more than she should, stressing out over office drama. Her heart rate's up, and she's afraid she'll lose the baby. Meanwhile I'm stressing out to the point I've got a migraine. If I try and tell her she's internalizing too much, she won't listen. She's off her drugs, and I figure that's not helping either.
If she has to quit, I might be able to skim $400 by reducing how much I put in my 401K and paying minimums on all the bills. In a couple of months we'll have an extra $275 a month when her car is paid off. Regardless though, she'll still have to work. I make enough to cover the mortgage and the bills, but it's up to her to cover gas and groceries and whatever extra funds we need (like home repairs or termite insurance). We might be able to skim by on her making $150 a week, but that's still $600-$750 a week she'd need to pull in after taxes.
Like I said, the wife needs a new job, but I think she's going about it for the wrong reasons. Her job's highly stressful, with demanding hours at times, and the company itself is possibly circling the drain. That I understand. Meanwhile she lacks the capacity she needs to deal with stress and social anxiety, and is off of her meds (which took the place of said capacity). And that I just have to try and be supportive about.
I'm trying to be optimistic, and this isn't the baby's fault, but the situation is literally hurting me.
I've known this for some time. Every spring and autumn she gets overloaded with work, becomes miserable, and puts in tons of overtime. She complains about the stress of her workload, and it is stressful and consuming. And I'd tell her to quit, and she'd say she didn't want to because she thought the company she worked for had potential to grow. But eventually she decided she'd had enough, and she would like out but didn't have another job to fall back on.
And then we got pregnant.
And then her boss' improper relations with a co-worker were brought into the light. Everybody knew about it, but nobody talked about it. But now that it's out (thanks to a third party) the co-worker won't drop it and the boss thinks Maryanne needs to make up to the co-worker. And now Maryanne's internalizing more than she should, stressing out over office drama. Her heart rate's up, and she's afraid she'll lose the baby. Meanwhile I'm stressing out to the point I've got a migraine. If I try and tell her she's internalizing too much, she won't listen. She's off her drugs, and I figure that's not helping either.
If she has to quit, I might be able to skim $400 by reducing how much I put in my 401K and paying minimums on all the bills. In a couple of months we'll have an extra $275 a month when her car is paid off. Regardless though, she'll still have to work. I make enough to cover the mortgage and the bills, but it's up to her to cover gas and groceries and whatever extra funds we need (like home repairs or termite insurance). We might be able to skim by on her making $150 a week, but that's still $600-$750 a week she'd need to pull in after taxes.
Like I said, the wife needs a new job, but I think she's going about it for the wrong reasons. Her job's highly stressful, with demanding hours at times, and the company itself is possibly circling the drain. That I understand. Meanwhile she lacks the capacity she needs to deal with stress and social anxiety, and is off of her meds (which took the place of said capacity). And that I just have to try and be supportive about.
I'm trying to be optimistic, and this isn't the baby's fault, but the situation is literally hurting me.
Labels: Fatherhood
Comments:
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Honestly, every 9 months or so she has a session where the stress of the job is too much. This year has been extra worse between the baby and her earlier health problems. What she needs is probably a total career change, because graphic art is a highly stressful job and she's a perfectionist. But that also means throwing away her degree in the process.
Meanwhile I'm stuck trying to be supportive, but also trying to figure out how we'll make ends meet, and generally feeling 100% helpless to either improve her situation or improve our financial stability.
But she's doing better now, and her work situation has calmed for the moment. So my migraines have stopped!
Meanwhile I'm stuck trying to be supportive, but also trying to figure out how we'll make ends meet, and generally feeling 100% helpless to either improve her situation or improve our financial stability.
But she's doing better now, and her work situation has calmed for the moment. So my migraines have stopped!
sounds a little better now.
maybe there's something at the u she could do? aren't they always hiring?
sure glad the migraines stopped!
m
maybe there's something at the u she could do? aren't they always hiring?
sure glad the migraines stopped!
m
# posted by 
: 7:03 PM
: 7:03 PM
I've tried to talk to her about a U job, but: (1) she'd like to stick with a career in her degree (I don't necessarily agree, but I can't blame her) and those jobs are scarce at the U; (2) she doesn't feel qualified to work in anything but a graphic design job (I disagree, but I understand what it's like to feel underqualified for something); (3) the U isn't hiring that many people right now thanks to the economy, and she'd likely be competing with more qualified folk who have been "right-sized" from elsewhere.
But yeah, she's doing better. For now.
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But yeah, she's doing better. For now.
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