The Periphery of the Mind

"It's better to look fat because you're pregnant, than pregnant because you're fat."

Maryanne's got a baby belly going now, and she's picked up some maternity clothes. She seems to be feeling better and having more energy, but her sense of smell is possibly heightened and she's having problems with cooked meat.

We've been toying with names lately, and Shanna's been my sane sounding board for when Maryanne can't sell me off of a name I like. I do find myself leaning towards more classic or Gaelic names, like Alexander or Finnegan (both of which are currently out). Maryanne's trying to be good and let me have the naming rights, with her having veto power. I basically whined and pleaded for the naming, but in all honesty I think it's something I kind of need to connect with the kid. I've been terrified at the idea of having kids for a long, long time, and being able to name the child makes it feel a little more comfortable for me. And in all honesty, my "naming rights" are about as substantial as me being "king of the castle."

See, my theory is this: a household can only have a single ruling monarch (king or queen, I don't care) since true equality is more of an ideal than a reality. The monarch calls the shots, makes the decisions, and in general is deferred to. The other spouse's role can best be thought of as that of a grand vizier; they offer advice and support, but do not rule. If the grand vizier does a poor job, the monarch replaces them. On the other hand, if the grand vizier feels their insights and talents are being wasted and their initiative is stifled, they'll up and leave. Balance is maintained by respect, which is earned and maintained, rather than through a vague sense of morality or entitlement. Like I said, it's a theory, I wouldn't apply it to every case, but I kind of like it and it seems to be working for us.

Labels: Fatherhood